Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
