i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
