so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
