I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
