I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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