Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
