That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
