Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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