Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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