Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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