Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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