well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
