She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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