my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
