I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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