Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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