he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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