you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
