Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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