I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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