i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
