if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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