Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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