It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
