So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
