I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
