I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
