Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
