my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
