the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
