I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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