A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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