Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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