If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
