Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
