Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
