I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
