i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
