We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Two words: nipple clamps
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