I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
