i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
