How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
