found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
