I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
