What did we do last night that was yellow?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
