I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
