I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
