Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
