I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
