just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
