There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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