I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
