Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
