we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
