Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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