Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
