I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
