i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
