Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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