At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
