Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
