Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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