Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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