it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
