I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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