Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize