Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
