its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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