know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
