i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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