when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
