Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
