Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
